A Gardeners Forum Forums General Discussion The Banter Hall Gardener's Chat It Ain't Easy {keep}

It Ain't Easy

by Carly Svamvour

Every year about this time, the ground begins to thaw and I begin my rounds; it takes me a while, but I manage to get through about a foot a day.

The last couple of years, the gardener's been keeping what we hear her call 'the mulching square'. It's not as complicated as it sounds; all she does is throw all the rakings into it. My friends and I do the rest of the work.

The first couple of weeks we just lounge around under the ice, then as everything softens, we wiggle a few inches a day.

It's a matter of eat, [BLEEP], eat, [BLEEP], wiggle some more, and we go on like that each day. By the middle of May, we've made at least a quarter foot of soil.

She's a bit obsessive, that gardener. She spends part of each day by the square, digging under the leaves, pulling the twigs out of the newly made earth, puts it in big pails and spreads it on her garden beds.

Some of us get to go along, but sometimes if she sees one of us, she happily pick the individual up, and throw him/her back into the leaves.

We worms, by the way, do not disclose how to tell us apart, girls from the boys kinda' thing - it's just not done. For generations we've prided ourselves on remaining anonymous - the humans never know our sex or our individual names. It's just none of their business and they get into enough trouble with what they do know most of the time anyway, so it's just as well.

I enjoy mornings when the gardener sits sifting through the jungle of leaves; she keeps plugs in her ears and sings along with a radio she wears hanging from her neck. We usually hang out when she listens to Jazz FM and the gardener sings the blues.

The tone of her voice is deep, sorta' raunchy and we pick up on sensual vibes through her humming and singing. It puts us at ease when it's time for our naps around noon.

We gotta' get our rest too; it ain't easy being a worm, let me tell you. There's a lot of territory to be covered over the course of the summer and at least once during the gardening season, some damn fool cuts one of us in half. I know they think we can live like that, becoming two worms, but it's not true. Once we're cut in half, we can wiggle about for about ten minutes or so, then we run out of juice and end up as food for the other worms. That's how we are able to be 'as one'; we all think the same way, like the same tunes, eat the same vegetation and don't really favour any one thing over the other.

We're looking forward to the next couple of weeks when the gardener plans to spread some of us across the other end of the lot; there's a lot more sun up there. As the season moves along, things become a bit more dangerous when the robins are raising their young. They usually come down from the trees to eat in the early evening and we have to scrounge deep into the ground until we hear all that silly tweeting they do just before dark. When the birds finish gossiping, that's when we howl.

If you ever want to stop by on Saturday night around nine or so, put your ear to the ground you might just hear us singing. Everybody's off work then. We usually sit in a circle, about twenty to a group, put our tails up and exchange tales of the turf till about midnight. Then Sunday morning we begin again . . . eat, [BLEEP], eat, [BLEEP], wiggle, wiggle, eat, [BLEEP], eat, [BLEEP] . . .

I tell ya' - it ain't easy being a worm - there's a lot of work to get through before the summer ends.

I agree 100%

Thanks, Triss.

So, Kenny . . . you agree, do you? Well, it's nice to know somebody else speaks a fluent 'worm'.

Very imaginative, Carly! I loved reading about the gardener through a worm's view...

On some nights, when the moon is just right, the fine print on the Amazon site shows up - there's a section for Worm Reviews.

That's where they critique each other's books.

that was great carly!!!!!!! i enjoyed it alot!

Thanks, Sybil.

I loved that!! You get a standing ovation from me!!!

Who would have thought of a tale from a worm's viewpoint?!

very nice! i like it!!

Loved it Carly!!!!!! What a unique view!!!

I wish this weather would warm up so I can get something real going out there on the lot.