A Gardeners Forum Forums General Discussion The Banter Hall Lessons From Mom?

Like many women who grew up in the Depression Era, my mom was an amazing wealth of information and ability and taught us children many useful things. To this day, I am amazed at all she knew and did. Even so, some of the lessons came with a bit of guilt!

For instance, she was a stickler for embellishing all sheets & pillowcases with embroidery and/or crochet lace edging. Although I have decorated more than my fair share of sheet sets, even now I feel a little guilty whenever I toss a brand new set on the bed without prettying them up first!

Just like I cringe a little whenever I close a drawer of linens that haven't been ironed yet!

To be honest, I do not think my mom would care in the least or criticize me for not doing things exactly her way... I think the guilt is a daughterly quality many of us learned along with all those useful lessons.

So what about you? What makes you cringe when you notice you aren't doing something your mom always did or do it differently than she would have?

Merme

seasonally speaking, though i use most of mom's recipes, just as i learned them from standing at her elbow all those years of thanksgivings gone by, when i chuck that stuffed turkey into the oven roasting bag, and forget about it for 4-5 hours, i don't get even a glimmer of guilt that i haven't basted that bird ad-nauseum for hours by the time it hits the table, other than i wish mom had known the beauty of this wonderful little majic bag. i also don't fix a couple other things she did at the holidays. creamed corn casserole will Never see my table (gag) and i prefer my cranberry sauce fresh, not jelled/canned. and then there's those sweet potatoes.
we like ours baked sliced with sf maple syrup, butter, orange slices, (peel and all), several whole cranberries thrown in for color. pecan pieces are nice in there too if the kids with the nut allergy aren't going to come for dinner. mom's were the candied, with marshmallow on top.... not too good for the diabetes!

I learned to cook more from trial and error than from my mother. To this day, I still read cookbooks for sheer pleasure. Even without a bird-bag, I don't baste. I do rub with butter before tossing them into the oven. My turkeys come out good. My mother certainly liked them.
I will never, ever make a Jello salad with fruit, celery and nuts in it. I didn't so much mind the taste as I didn't like the mix of textures. That was my mother's great offering for T-day.
I remember ironed sheets. The housekeeper did them. When we no longer had a housekeeper, I did the ironing but not sheets, pillow cases, linens, etc. I learned to iron from my older brother and more trial and error. But I rarely bring out an iron any more. The things they do for fabric these days is quite nice if you get them out of the dryer quick enough. No guilt for me.
I grew up with some embellished linens. I think my grandmother was responsible. But mostly white sheets that I always kicked the top sheet out of my way. I wanted a soft blanket next to me. Not cold sheet.

That sounds (up there ^^) terrible. My mother wasn't much of a cook but her five kids never starved. And housewife-y skills in general were not her strong points. But our house was always reasonably clean if not the most modern decor.
I did learn many things from my mother. She always worked and never took time off for pretend or small illnesses, was always on time and those are skills often lacking in the younger workforce. My mother was a supreme (extreme?) budgeter. We didn't go on far flung family vacations but we managed Disneyland about once a year. She taught me to handle money wisely. And other house hold skills. I can change washers or whole faucets. I can fix a toilet. I can do basic plumbing. I can fix a leaky roof. I know how to handle a hammer and other basic tools. These things I did learn from her. So altogether, she didn't do a bad job.

most of my raising was done by my grandmother. she ironed lots of things, but I don't ever remember her ironing sheets. she took pleasure in the modern conviences. her house was always very clean and organized. I remember she swept her kitchen and dinning room floor EVERY day after lunch. and every single thing in her house had it's place and was always put there. Ive always admired her deeply, but if she ever thought for a minute I had guilt about the way I did things she'd set me straight in a heart beat! ha ha.

i learned to iron on my grandfather's handkerchiefs. i learned to bake at momma's knee. learned to work on cars and do other "handyman" stuff from pa (grandfather). learned to sew at granny's knee. learned hairpin lace from one great grandmother, learned to read shape notes from another. learned to bake jelly cakes from a third.

we were the original sandwich family, momma, brother, and i lived with my grandparents and we had frequent visits from great grandmothers. pa had a mom and step mom to visit, and they both grandparented me too.

learned to clean fish with pa, learned to catch them with a pole from gramma. (pa used a boat and net). momma taught me to throw a cast net. we were a weird family but we made it!

and yes, i still suffer from some of the depression era things that granny did. i can't help myself. but it has saved me once in a while.

and yes, merme, we too had some of the decorated sheets.

Jiffymouse ~ you always make me smile.

Patunia ~ I'm with you on the creamed corn cassarole. I like the green bean cassarole, though; something my mom never made.

Truthfully, I'm just terribly fascinated by the interesting dynamics that exist between mothers and daughters. The ways in which we choose to emulate our moms; the ways in which we choose not to.... the sort of things we confide in her and the things we'd rather she never know!

In all, a terrific topic!

Merme

The flip side of this is, of course, I sometimes ponder the question of what I want my son to remember me for or "get from me". I have the sneaky feeling that his view of me is going to be as mixed a bag as my view is of my parents!


Merme

I often wonder what my kids are going to remember me for. My adult kids I know pretty much because I get current feedback now. Mostly good stuff there. Until recently my teen was a huge bundle of resentment which I do not really understand nor feel I deserved. I think that was more a social thing gotten out in the wide world. She is much better now and we have some good communication going finally. But that took some awfully drastic measures to achieve. I hope to build on that in the future.

My mom is still here of course. But I think the things that will stick in my head forever will be the following:

1-Laura, put your shoulders back. (I hear this in my head all the time while I'm out and instantly straighten up).

2-Keep your house clean all the time because you never know who will come by.

And from my dad I will always hear the following:

1-Clean your plate, there are kids in the world with no food that would love to eat what you don't want. (Dad grew up during WWII when food was scarce).

2-If you're cold go put another sweater on, all you have on is that thin shirt. Now I say the same thing to Mark when he wants to turn up the heat.

Of course they aren't things I learned but things that I think I will always think of when I think of mom and dad one day.

Interesting topic.

Well can't say I learned a lot from my Mom housekeeping wise-what I learned that from was magazines and books , remember Heloise...? except to like my house being clean- cause as soon as I was old enough to do it I cleaned hers... my Mom and stepdad were party givers... I learned how to mix drinks when I was 10 or so... and clean up afterwards... I did get my love of music from her... and singing with the radio or records we did a lot... She could sew too and made my sister a ball gown costume for Halloween .. a hoop skirt and all-= made her a prom dress too- and I remember a poodle skirt she made me too... I do well to straight sew... she did teach me to embroider and Merme I have some linens my grand and great grand mothers embroidered-
Nana

My mom is still around too but some of things that stick in my head that she has told me over the years:

-Always keep a clean house because you never know when someone will come to your door. (I guess our mom's think alike Loz )

-Always fill your gas tank when it gets to half a tank. (I am notorious for waiting until my gas light comes on and that drives my mom crazy!!!)

-Always wear clean underwear. :list: You never know when you may be in an accident.

-My mom has taught me a lot about cooking and a lot I have learned on my own. I still call her when I am unsure of how to do something.

-Also, a lot of my parenting skills have come from my mother. Some things I will never do because I didn't like when my mom did them to me and some of her advice I have faithfully followed. I still call my mom sometimes when Tristen is sick to say....what should I do??

I know what you mean, loz about hearing things in your head.
every time I drive when it's raining, I can hear my dad say 'slow it down, the roads are wet'!

To be honest, my mom always had the most amazing gardens. It didn't matter which state we lived in, her gardens were awesome and so abundant! Although all of her children are dedicated gardeners, none of us have ever surpassed what she was able to do even though we learned right at her side.

Except of course we all still laugh at the time my brother "weeded" mom's premiere garden one day as a surprise by pulling all the Baby's Breath!

I actually have a family DVD from where we lived when I was a baby. The gardens in the background are breathtaking! Whenever I see that clip from more than 50 years ago, I still think "How did she DO that?!" Even my sister who studied horticulture in college remains amazed to this day at mom's gardens.



Merme

My mother is an excellent cook. I cannot even begin to measure up to her.--

BUT the thing I will never forget her saying when we ask her for a recipe of her---"You cook it until it is done"

I do remember her making cookies when we were growing up==we always "helped" of course. She would always leave plenty of batter in the bowl, so we could (clean out the bowl for her) then she would tell us how her mom would scrape and scrape her cookie bowls and as she hated that, she was going to make sure there was plenty left over batter for us to "lick" from the bowl.

I still smile whrn I think of that.

momma always let us have the beaters, and i did that with the kids too!

yep me too--and I let my kids have a "fair amount" of batter from the other sweet treats too---I sure told them all about my grandma & mom as well.

I was just reading up in Home For The Holidays and I had to chuckle.

I do NOT do Christmas like my mom did it, either!

She decorated every inch of the house, inside and out (with very elaborate life size holiday scenes on the porches) from attic rafters to dismal basement.

BUT! The astonishing thing was the living room.

We would decorate the entire house EXCEPT for the living room. On Christmas Eve us children would hurry to bed so Santa could come. When he came, he brought not only our gifts but also our tree!

So, sometime after us kids went to bed my parents would put up the gigantic Christmas tree, anchoring it with wires to the walls and would decorate that living room like a WonderLand Extraordinare.

That was the wonder of Christmas Morning! We'd go to bed with a bare living room and wake up to all that splendor! My folks (especially mom) must have been exhausted throughout Christmas day.

Therefore Santa does NOT bring our tree and it goes up whenever we feel like putting it up. This mom doesn't stay up all night decorating! I stay up late finishing, but nothing like my mom did for all those years.

Merme