A Gardeners Forum Forums General Discussion The Banter Hall the talk???

HOLY COW!!! My 12 yr old son has had some major teenager attitude lately and is very close to failing this school year when he's always been an A and B student. We had a long conversation this afternoon as to what he might do or can do to try and pass this year...extra credit etc.
ANYWAY, at the end of our conversation I told him sometime this week...before Friday... whenever he was ready that we were gonna sit down and have a talk about sex, drugs, and rock and roll! He giggled a bit at the title, but then got freaky wide eyed! I told him the talk wasn't going to be that bad, don't worry ect. Now, I'm freaked out! where to begin? What are we supposed to talk about? Has anyone done this recently?

Have you been talking right along? Answering questions? My oldest never asked the questions. I sat her down at about 11 and gave her the low down. Once you get started the questions often come along and ease the path for you.

Ask him what he knows, maybe.

I'm 'still' 17 and I've never gotten a talk from my dad, neither have my friends. I see dads giving the 'talk' all the time on tv, but don't know anyone whose really gotten one (asian thing?) I've learnt everything from what my friends have told me...(and if need be: urbandictionary.com) lol

Cricket, I've been giving Maxi age appropriate information all along, so we never had to have "the talk" in any formal way.

Although, once we did sit down and discuss various senarios he might encounter as a teenager. What if the girl says... What if the boys in the locker room say... Ways he might maintain himself w/ integrity and honor while still respecting his friends and their possibly different values.

My biggest problem is that I can be QUITE a prissy missy and do not like discussing personal matters (doing is different than talking!) BUT since I always knew his dad would NOT tell him anything sensible, I have never allowed my natural reserve to interfere with my communicating with Maxi on these important topics. So, my approach has always been matter of fact, positive, and sometimes humorous.


Merme

yes I like that approach--then you can correct any mis-information he has and like Tina says the questions/ideas should come then for you

He might be shy to say what he knows (or thinks he knows) if he has to "go first". Maybe Cricket could give the opening salvos, letting him know it is okay to speak about things honestly, giving him room to react (with comments, giggles or eye-rolling) to get the conversational wheels rolling.


Merme

a good point and a good idea, Merme

I never got 'the talk' either, Kenny. and that kind of talk coming from one of my parents, even if I would have gotten it, would have been terrifing! I don't want to terrify the boy. and what is urbandictionary.com? ha ha maybe I should google that, huh!?!

my main concern with him, I guess, is not the 'one plus one' of it all, but the emotional-it's-ok-to-feel-that-way. what do you say to a boy that is 'not interested in girls', but takes 3 showers a day?

gosh, I miss the days when chocolate pudding could fix ANYTHING!

I had a thought....maybe each of us could write a question or two on each subject. since I told him it would be a 'sex, drugs, and rock and roll' talk. we could each write down a question and comment about each one. then the other person could write back a response. maybe he wouldn't be so embarrased that way. and with the rock and roll topic in there too, it would make it less stressful for both of us???? idk?

Well, Cricket, here is where you use your acting skills, being dramatic and humorous while helping him understand.

I remember explaining to Maxi that one day his hormones were going to kick in and all of a sudden EVERY blood cell he has got would be running through his body yelling "Gotta find a woman! Gotta find a woman!" Well, he laughed so hard! But he understood that those feelings would be natural but would occur far sooner than when he'd actually be ready to act on them.

I also brought up something from his younger days. He had a few buddies who used to come over here and brag about their expensive toys. Two of them insisted that they had 40 Yu-Gi-Oh dueling decks! Well, those dueling decks worn on the arm to play the cards from were very expensive and we knew that neither boy could possibly have 40. As it turned out, those boys didn't have even one!

So I said to Maxi, "remember when so & so were bragging about their dueling decks and you KNEW they didn't have any? Well, when you are a teenager, there will be boys in your school who will also lie about how many girls they've been with, just like some boys lied about toys. When you hear it, don't feel bad about your inexperience. Just realize they are lying. And ask yourself just how many of the nice girls in your school would REALLY have given it up for these guys?"

It is the emotional piece that can be harder than the factual piece.




Dish up some chocolate pudding to share while you yak!

Just keep it simple and keep it honest. You know your kid better than anybody.


Merme

urbandictionary.com is a dictionary site where you can look up the newest slang that kids are using. You might want to check it out.

I will check out that site, kenny! thanks! my slang is still stuck in the 80's!
Merme, I like your advice! especially the part about the other kids bragging. I DO know him well, and while I know his hormones are running a muck, I also know he's still not that interested in the girlfriend thing cluttering up his life. but, if his friends are talking about all that all the time......hmmm....
chocolate pudding and yu-gi-o cards! I think I know where to start now!

My parents never had the "talk" with me either. I guess I just learned from friends, TV and things like that. When Tristen is a bit older we will have the "talk" with him. I think it is great that you are going to with your son. I'm sure it is going to seem a little awkward and tense at first but both of you will be glad it took place in the end.

Cricket, I did my growing Up classes last Monday for 4th grade girls and 5th grade boys - separately of course. The presentation starts with the growing up part - which is normal however your body decides to do it. You may be short right now or tall right now but that's what is right for your body. It's normal for you. You have a tiny pituitary gland in your head that releases hormones that tell your body when to do these things. Your voice will change, you'll get body hair (tell the regions using the real words) your shoulders will broaden, you'll start to sweat and maybe have BO, when your pituitary decides it's time for you which WILL be different from your friends but it's normal for you. If you haven't already you will start noticing erections and start having wet dreams. This is normal but isn't conversation for mixed company or at school because as you have probably figured out the growing up girls go through is different than what happens to boys.

Leave the actual sex part for very last.

We always tell boys (we did this at the health dept) too that their mothers are girls and their sisters are girls and their grandmothers are girls. They need to think about this before they speak to a girl or interact with a girl and do so however they would like a young man to interact with the girls in their lives.

checked out it is a good site

did you talk Cricket?