A Gardeners Forum Forums Members History Forum Life 2006 Lady Huh's new home

I've been asked to move this hopefully I don't mess up to badly getting it here lol.

Episode One [this really happened]

Lady Huh walks out to the garden with her dollar store spade intent on starting a garden. (The retaining wall leans noticable).

Oh! now would you look at that. (So with one hand holding up the wall and the spade in the other hand she takes a stab at the soil and the spade bounces back.)

Huh? (She looks closely at the soil and then tries again, and again it bounces back.) Well what do you know about that!

(Lady Huh walks back into the apartment building and comes back out with a pick. One foot on the retaining wall to hold it up; both hands on the pick she swings at the soil.) Eureka that worked!

(With a lot of tugging the pick comes back up with a clump of clay firmly attached to it.) Well what do you know about that!

(She tries to pry the clay off with the spade and the spade brakes.) Well I never!

She stomps back into the apartment building muttering about how they don't make things the way they used to.

End of Episode One

Episode Two [yep this one happened too.]

(Lady Huh takes a gallon jug of water, a brand new heavy duty spade and walks out to the garden. She pours the water all over one spot and then sits down next to it.) Ouch!!!!

(Underneath her bottom is a very prickly ball-shaped dwarf evergreen) (Rubbing her poked bottom she looks closely at the plant) Oh, how cute! I wonder what that is?
(Now on her hands and knees she pulls the grass up around it) and finds another, and another, and another.) [I think I found thirteen that day] What a wonderful day!

(Lady Huh bundles up the grass she has pulled up and her lump of clay and puts it over on the side of the garden to start a compost pile.)

(The Hiker gets out of his beat up van climbs up on the leaning retaining wall walks through the compost pile and up the slope smashing one of the dwarf evergreens.) Lady Huh says, "Well I never!"

She stomps back into the apartment building muttering about how they certainly don't raise children the way they used to.

End of Episode Two

Episode Three [Yep this one happened also.]

(Lady Huh gets waylaid on the way to the garden by The Hiker.) Are you going to pull the grass in that there space?

(Lady Huh looks where the Hiker is pointing.) Yes.

Well uh you going to plant anything there?

(Lady Huh looks down at the flat of seedlings she is carrying and then back at the Hiker.) Yes.

Well ya' knows the soils is gonna er-road?

(Lady Huh looks at the slope with the tangle of heavy roots protruding where she has pulled up the grass.)

You think so?

Yep I do.

(Lady Huh sidesteps the Hiker and continues on to the garden.)

Lady Huh mutters to herself. "How bright can he be? He lives in his van in the parking lot for heavens sake!"

End of Episode Three

Episode Four [Well there may be some truth to this one.]

(Lady Huh looks out the kitchen window and sees the Mad Mower in the garden.)

(She rushes out to the garden and stands infront of her one surviving chive.) No, no you can't mow here! I have things planted. Go mow over there where the 4 ft weeds are.

(The mad mower turns the lawnmower around and cuts the grass around the weed.)

(Lady Huh sits down beside the chive and whispers to it. Where it promptly keels over and dies.) No wonder the farmers are moving to the city.

(Lady Huh tenderly picks up the chive and lays it on top of the compost pile.)

(She sees some tall blades that look like her chive beside the compost pile and picks one.) Eureka!!!! Wild onions. What a bonus.

End of Episode 4

Episode 5 [Yes, he really did]

(Lady Huh is out in the garden in the rain putting little cocktail unbrellas over the portulaca.)

(She hears a voice and looks up.) Hey are you watering the garden?

She says, "OMG are you naked?"

(The Snapdragon Snapper is standing in his kitchen window without any close showing.) No, see I have something on. (He waives a dishtowel at Lady Huh.)

(Lady Huh promptly faints on top of her portulaca.)

(When she comes too admidst the broken unbrellas, smooched plants and mud.) Well I never did!

She stomps back into the apartment building muttering about naked men and mud.

End of Episode 5

Episode 6 (The general idea is taken from real happenings)

(Lady Huh is standing at the kitchen sink peeling the inner skin out of the eggshells. The snapdragon snapper is watching with a beer in his hand.) "Why are you doing that?" the Snapper asks.

Lady Huh says, "So they don't stick together when I crush them."

"Why do you want to crush them?" the Snapper asks.

Lady Huh responds, "So that I can put them in the compost bin."

(Lady Huh fills the sink with soapy water.) "Now what are you doing?" the Snapper asks.

"Washing the eggshells," she says.

'...and she thinks I'm nuts?' the Snapper thinks to himself.

(Lady Huh pulls a big sledge hammer out of her kitchen drawer. The snapper runs for the door.) "Well I wonder what bee got in his bonnet." she says.

(Lady Huh scoops up the crushed eggshells in a plastic bag and sticks them in the refrigerator.)

End of Episode 6

Episode 7 (Yep he did)

(Lady Huh is out in the garden weeding a new bed for her flowers and up walks the Invader.) He says, " Hey can plant my strawberries in your new bed after you get it ready?

Lady Huh says, "No, you should plant those in a pot or they'll grown over everything."

(The Invader walks into the apartment building and Lady Huh goes back to preparing her flower bed.) Lady Huh mumbles to her self ".... jack***...."

(The Invader comes back out to the garden.) "Hey would you mind clearing out the posion ivy over there so I can plant my strawberries?" He asks.

"No." she replies.

"Well, do you know what it looks like? I'm very allergic to it." He says.

"Sure." She says. (Points to the honeysuckle. With an angelic look on her face.)

End of Episode 7

Episode 8

(Lady Huh is standing beside the compost bin wearing a nurses cap and clasping a very long theomometer in her hand while she holds her nose with the other). Time to take your temperature.

(Lady Huh pulls the theomometer out and checks it.) Yep, just as I thought it is time to turn you.

(Lady Huh grasps the compost bin in both arms and rolls around on the ground with it.) Ugh, Pow, Blam *@!%$

(Lady Huh gets up all dusty and bruised and lifts the compost bin back into an upright position. On the sidelines the entire cast is applauding.) Yeee-haaaaaa!

End of Episode 8

Episode Nine

[Lady Huh is busy at the sink attaching a hose to the facet. she rolls it to the front door and sits down to attach another hose to it.]

[The invader comes to his door.] "What are you doing?"

"I'm connecting hoses." Lady Huh replies wondering what it looks like she is doing. [She scoots down the hall unrolling the second hose as she goes and then tumbles it down the staircase. The Snapper/Streaker comes out of his apartment and asks Lady Huh what she is doing.] "I'm taking my hose for a walk." she replies.

[At the bottom of the stairs she attaches a third hose to the second and unrolls it around to the side of the building where she is busy attaching the next hose.] "What are you doing?" asks the mad mower.

"I'm inventing a better mouse trap." Lady Huh replies. Knowing that the mad mower wouldn't want her using up all the water on her garden.

[Finally she gets the hose to the garden and then returns inside and turns it on. Going to her window she doesn't see any water going into the garden. As she steps into the hall she is sprayed with water that is flooding the hall.
Lady Huh hurries back to the sink and turns off the water.] "I guess that didn't work." she mumbles to herself as she reaches for her mop and bucket.

End of Episode Nine

Episode 10

Lady Huh walks out to the garden walks up to the tomato cages unlocks the door and picks the ripe tomatoes. "I still don't understand why tomatoes have to be caged." She mumbles to herself as she locks the first one back up and moves on to the second one. "It certainly appears to have worked though I'm getting tomatoes almost every day now."

The invader steps out of the apartment building and sees Lady Huh harvesting her tomatoes. He goes over to her. "How come you locked up your tomato plants?"

Lady Huh replies. "Lloyds of London required it for insurance purposes." She locks up the fourth cage and picks up the basket of tomatoes. "The wells fargo truck will be here any minute to pick up the harvest."

The invader scratches his head. "Why do they need to do that?"

Lady Huh smiles and says. "Well because they are 'Golden' Roma tomatoes of course." And then she walks back into the apartment building humming a tune about a sucker born every moment.

End of Episode Ten

Episode 11

Lady Huh grabs her sun bonnet and spade and heads out to the weed patch to do some weeding. As she approaches the glads she sees a baby glad starting to come up next to it's parent.

"Oh look, it's a baby!!!" she exclaims happly. Gently patting the parent glad. "She's gorgeous." Lady Huh tells the mommy glad.

Lady Huh hurries back into the apartment building and diggs out her crochet hook and pink baby yarn and begins crocheting furiously. "3 together, chain..." she mumbles as the square grows and grows.

Lady Huh finishes what she is doing and rushes back out to the garden and tenderly wraps the baby blanket around the baby glad. "Oh, shes so cute." Lady says with a happy tear in her eye.

End of Episode Eleven

Episode Twelve

Lady huh wearing her karate outfit goes out to the compost bin. "Time to get the gold." She mutters, as she sets her feet firmly on the ground and then kicks out hard to knock the compost bin over.

It doesn't budge. "Okay," She says with a sigh. She hikes up her pants a little higher and sets her feet again and then kicks the compost bin again this time aiming much higher. And it woobles, it tilts, and it falls over. Lady huh claps her hands and hops over to see if any of the compost looks like black gold.

"Oh, look!!!! It did it, it did. It's turned to soil." she says with a big smile.

Leaving the compost spilling out of the bin she goes back into the building and brings out her bucket, and shovel. Standing out by her compost when she returns is the Mad Mower. "What you got here Lady? He asks.

"That's black gold." She responses with a big smile.

"Don't look like no black gold to me." He replies. Looking more closely at the compost. "Well as long as you clean it up that's fine." He says eyeballing the bucket and shovel Lady Huh is carring and walks off.

Lady Huh proceeds to shovel the compost into the bucket and carry it over to her new flower bed. Gentle pulling back the cardboard bedspread on the flower bed she adds the compost and lovingly smooths it out and then pulls the bedspread back over it. The cardboard is painted with a double weddingring patchwork quilt design. "Now that's what I call a flower bed." Lady Huh says quietly to herself as she leans against her shovel and surveys the work she has done.

End of Episode Twelve

Episode thirteen

Lady Huh steps outside the apartment building with a bundle of popsycle sticks. Walking up to the portulaca flower bed she puts down her bundle. "Ok children todays lession is on posture. And to help you I have brought you each your very own pole to help you stand straight." Lady Huh says in her best sunday school teacher voice. And with that she starts putting one popsycle stick beside each plant and tying them on with pretty silk ribbons.

[Sorry this one is so short. But the asthma is bothering me tonight.]

End of Episode Thirteen

Episode Fourteen

Lady Huh steps outside her apartment building looks around and wets her finger and sticks it in the air. She shakes her head and goes back into the apartment.
***Next Day***
Lady Huh steps outside her apartment building looks around and wets her finger and sticks it in the air. She shakes her head and goes back into the apartment.
***Next Day***
Lady Huh steps outside her apartment building looks around and wets her finger and sticks it in the air. She smiles goes back into the apartment building and comes back out lugging a big canister of weed and brush killer spray. She is wearing a white decontamination suit and yellow highheeled goloshes. Staring intently at the mimosa trees encroaching on her little garden she lets loose with the aerosol. It coats the trees and the young blackberry and strawberry bush next to the mimosa trees. "Opps." Lady Huh mumbles with a big smile on her face. "Maybe next time he won't come pounding on my door for no reason." She says as she gives the strawberry another squirt of weed killer. "Oh my I missed." She exclaims mildly.

End of Episode Fourteen

Episode fifteen

Lady Huh steps out of her apartment building wearing a candy pink nurses outfit complete with matching stethoscope and pushing a baby carriage and carrying her garden tools. She strolls over to the garden and begins digging up the dirt that is shaded by the center tree. The grease monkey comes over to the garden. "What are you doing here?" he asks Lady Huh. Lady Huh looks at the various flowers, veggies and herbs and says, "I'm building a mini mart." And then goes back to turning the soil. Once she has it all loosened she goes to the baby carriage and takes out a tiny blanket wrapped seed and places it carefully on the soil. She repeats the process again and again until she has all the late summer early fall seeds snuggly planted in there new homes. Then she hums and sings to the seeds as she gives them a good watering in their new homes.

The next day Lady Huh steps out of her apartment carrying two heavy pails of water which she proceeds to take over to the garden. Arriving in the garden she takes a small baby bottle out of her pocket and fills it with water and then proceeds to feed each individual seed that she planted yesterday. The grease monkey sees Lady Huh in the garden and comes over. "Don't you know it is the end of the growing season? Nothing you plant now will grow." He says in a very disgruntled voice. Lady Huh looks up from feeding her last seed and says, "I hope the rest of your day is more pleasant." And with that she picks up her empty buckets and returns to the apartment building.

End of Episode Fifteen

Episode Sixteen

Lady Huh leaves the apartment building and heads towards her garden carrying her shovel and wearing her karate outfit.

"Ha!" Lady Huh says after giving the compost bin a good tumble. "Not as big and strong as you used to be are ya?" She gives the bin a smug smile as she struts over to the garden.

Half way there she hears a noise. "What's that?" she says with an intent look on her face.

The grease monkey strolls over and asks, "What are you doing?"

"Shush," Lady Huh whispers. "Do you hear that?"

"Yea," the grease monkey replies, "It's a cricket so what?"

"A cricket!" Lady Huh turns to the grease monkey and exclaims. "That's great!" Then she gives him a big hug and runs back into the apartment building.

A great deal of hammering and sawing is hear from the apartment building.

*************************************************

The next day Lady Huh comes out of the apartment building wearing a hot pink hard hat and matching steel toed boots with 3 inch heels and carrying a bamboo miniature apartment building for crickets. After walking around and around the garden she finally places the structure underneath the shade of the maple tree near the miniature snapdragons and dwarf evergreens.

"Here little cricket," Lady Huh calls. Looking all about the garden she tries to see the cricket but can't find it. Finally she gives up and goes back into the apartment just as dusk is falling.

End of Episode Sixteen

Episode Seventeen

KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK!!!!!!!

Lady Huh hurries to open her door. "What's the matter?" She asks as she sees The Streaker when she opens the door.

The Streaker grabs Lady Huh by the arm and drags her into his apartment and into his second bedroom. "Look look something is wrong with the cuttings!" He exclaims.

"You mean besides sitting in the dark in an arid room?" Lady Huh asks.

The Streaker flips on the light. "Is that better?"

Lady Huh looks at the cuttings carefully. "They look ready to transfer to soil they have plenty of root on them."

"Is this OK?" The streaker asks and pulls out potting soil XXX with triple strength fertilizer incorporated in the mix.

"You would be better off with something without fertilizer in it." Lady Huh answers.

"No, I wouldn't. My sister says this is the best stuff on the market and she puts her cuttings in it all the time."

Lady Huh gives the streaker a hard look. "Your sister doesn't like you either?" She asks.

End of Episode Seventeen

Yep your right. This episode is taken from real life too. Although I did change a few minor details.

Thank you for taking the time to move Lady Huh to her new home Tammy!

Your very welcome Bill. I was glad to do it.

Episode Eighteen

Lady Huh comes out of the apartment building carrying a large unbrella and looks up at the sky. She holds her hand outside the umbrella. "No rain? Where is the rain?"

Lady Huh folds the umbrella up and goes over to the garden. [The garden is looking wilted.] "What am I to do?" She exclaims as she looks over at the water spigot. The sign hanging on it says for fires only. She looks back up at the apartment building at her window and sighs.

Slowly with slumped shoulders she drags back into the building. A few minutes later Meezie, Jaffy, and Alphabet Cindy show up and unpack a pacel of rubber chickens. Lady Huh comes out of the building carring a big box full of cymbals, baby rattles and bongo drums and heards the group over to the garden. They each take their rubber chicken and a noise maker and begin dancing around the garden taking occassional breaks for a zinfa 'something'. Streaker sticks his head out the window sees what the women are doing and immediately closes the window and pulls the shade.

The Mad Mower and the Grease Monkey peak around the corner of the building but refuse to come any closer. As the ladies twirl faster and faster with there rubber chickens and noise makers swishing in the air the storm clouds gather. And the day grows dark and dreary and the plants begin to perk up as they smell the moisture in the air.

The ladies fall to the ground worn out from their rubber chicken dance or the zinfa 'something' and here it comes one big fat rain drop. "Plop!"

And just as the ladies begin to lose hope here comes G-Mom to the rescue.

End of Episode Eighteen

Hope you all don't mind joining me in the weed patch. It was an emergency don't cha know. lol.

Cool! We can reply to the episodes!

That was wonderful,Tammy.
My favorite so far.

So glad you all liked it. Yes you can reply I couldn't keep it going without your comments and sharing.