A Gardeners Forum Forums Members History Forum Life 2005 Broken Heart

I am saddened to say that my daughter left yesterday to return to the unhealthy situation she was living in. Her boyfriend's aunt and friend came to meet her at the gas station at the end of the road. Her car would not make the trip and we would not let her "store" it here, so it is at the station pending her picking it up on the third of next month.

From what I have gathered since she came here, her boyfriend has tried to choke her and the aunt has tried to push her down a flight of stairs. I could not hold her here since she is 24 years old and supposedly an adult and have had to hold my tongue because I did not want to make things worse for her. I am terrified that one of that crowd is going to seriously hurt her and cannot make her realize the danger of living such a life. I don't know what to do other than pray for her safety and that of the little one.

My daughter is such a caring mother. While she was here I saw how much she loves Reyla. I do believe she takes good care of her, but cannot convince her that raising her in a dysfunctional home such as they live in, will not be good for Reyla in the long run. I ask that each of you say a prayer for her and the baby's protection until the time God opens her eyes and shows her a better way of doing things. I have had to "let go and let God".

Dianna

You are doing all you can Dianna. I will add her and child to my prayer list too.

I'm so sorry, Dianna.
You have my prayers, too.

Dianna----prayers from me for your family. Hopefully she'll come to realize she's in a bad situation....it may take a while, but we'll all be praying that God helps her see the light of things......

Prayers are coming your way!

G-Mom

Dianna,
I am so sorry. You are in my prayers

Dianna...
I just wrote a book here, then deleted it (on purpose) before I posted it.

You certainly have my prayers.
I have been there...watching Brennan's dad abuse my daughter (Rachel). It just about drove me crazy...because she kept going back to him, only to end up getting beat up worse the next time.

God answered my prayers.

I will be praying...you can count on it.

Cindy

Oh Dianna, I am so sorry to hear this sad news of your daughter. And certainly, all prayers will be with her, and you, always.

Merme

Dianna,

Your daughter and granddaughter will most certainly be in my prayers.

Triss

Dianna, I have a niece that was in the same situation, at the last we called social services to report the abuse in the home. It was investigated and she has 24 hrs to get out of that home or surrender her child. She hated us for awhile but I told her at least your here to hate us because I know if she would of stayed she would of died.

I know we took it to the extreme but sometimes intervention is the only way. I know it would be harder because it's your daughter but then maybe that's the reason to take it to the extreme.

It still blows my mind why women take this crap. I had an old boyfriend that thought the same way but the first time he hit, I hit back and walked. I was only 15 years old and so was he. Monkey see , monkey do. (they see it at home). Today he is still beating his wife.

Sorry that you, your daughter and grand child are in this situation. Be strong.

Thank you all so much for the prayers.

Cindy, it is about to drive me crazy. I spent long hours talking to her while she was here. I have been in the same boat that she is rowing and cannot stand the thought that she will have to experience the abuse getting worse before she will finally realize that he doesn't love her.

Tamara, I HAVE thought about calling Social Services to force her to come to grips with the situation. Since the baby has been born, the whole family has been threatening to take the baby away from her. They are not only physically abusing my daughter, but mentally abusing her as well.

My husband is very upset with the whole situation and he says that we will not be at her beck and call every time she has a fuss. It does not bode well for my new marriage if she needs me and he cannot understand. He has never had to deal with something like she is going through. All I know is that I told her to call me if she needs me. I will explain it all to my husband when it happens.

Dianna

Dianna,
I am so sorry to read this. I think almost everyone has been in a simular (sp?) situation. It is always hard to go thru. Keep us informed. I hope she sees what it going on soon.

Kareena

Thank you, Kareena. I have put it all in God's hands and am trying not to snatch it back from Him. It helps knowing that everyone is praying for her safety.

Dianna

This is so so sad. God will help you know what to do. I really believe if you can open your heart to him, he will lead the way. Just in case he leads you in this direction...have you checked out this site:

http://www.sccadvasa.org/

Thank you, rue! I will pass the information on to my daughter. Maybe they will have the equivalent kind of web-site in NC.

She has told me that she will go to a domestic violence shelter if she has to leave immediately again. When she left week before last, she left the baby and her car with someone else and had the police go with her to get her things.

Dianna

Dianna,
I have you , your daughter and her baby on my prayer list too- it is so hard to deal with but I agree with the calling in the child services people- if the other family is so violent someone must have been reported before and they sure wouldn't get the baby away from her - especially if they are not married... God will lead the way for you - I believe that but sometimes we have to do a little helping of ourselves too.... will pray for your hubby to understand too- I know that has to be hard on you too...
Nana

sad sad situation---for all involved. letting go and letting god is so difficult to do but is the BEST answer. be strong and always be sure to tell your daughter that you love her and that she deserves better.

Dianna My prayers are with you and your daughter. I really beleive your husband will be there when you need him to be also beleive he wants her out and will do what he must for you and for her and the babies safety. I don't understand why a woman puts up with this treatment or why A man who claims to love her and the child or children can do such a thing. I have freinds that go through this but I still don't understand it. If he loved her in my opinion he wouldn't do anything to hurt her.
Jimmy

Nana, thank you for your prayers. I believe the other people have been investigated by DSS before, so I am hoping that if my daughter sees she might lose her daughter, she may make an escape.

BI/ML, I have "preached" that my daughter could do better from the time she met the boyfriend. I wish she would go for some counseling to make her understand why she doesn't think so.

Jimmy, I have been in abusive relationships before. It was very hard to end any of them because of the threats made to harm me. The last time I looked up into the eyes of a man who swore he loved me while he was choking me on the bathroom floor, I decided never again. I quit dating for two years because I always seemed to attract violent men. Counseling was the best thing to happen to me. I finally decided I deserved more and would not settle for less. Now I have Jim.

I have tried to explain to Jim what it is like to go through what I did, but I don't think he "gets it" yet. A lot of men and some women cannot fathom what it takes for an abused woman to finally see the light. I just hope it doesn't reach that point with my daughter. It is a vicious cycle that only escalates to worse violence.

Dianna

all you can do is pray, and you know we are all praying with you...

could do better and deserves better are two different things. she needs to beleive she is worth the effort it will take for her to leave. i didn't mean to offend, if i did i apologize

I agree, Blooming ~

I think it is vital for these women to know that they are loved. From what I understand, the abuse cycle persuades them that they are "unloveable" so that HE becomes the only one who WILL put up with them. These girls need to be told over and over how much they are loved by others until they can begin to grasp it for themselves, and like you said, understand they DESERVE better!

It's heartbreaking, isn't it, to see a beautiful person on the inside and outside, filled with potential yet utterly convinced they don't deserve any better than what HE is giving them!

Merme

You didn't offend me, BI/ML. I have assured her over and over that she deserves better, too! It is such a terrible thing to see her confidence broken like it has been.

Dianna

i hear that dixie! and i'm glad you weren't offended. keep the faith and try not to get too discouraged. being patient is sometimes the hardest thing of all. specially when you have the answers being sought but the person is not ready to hear them.

Dixie,
Are you able to still talk with her???